Showing posts with label Malawi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Malawi. Show all posts

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sunday Dispatch from Lilongwe

So I have less than 1 week left in Lilongwe. This morning while I was eating my daily breakfast of 2 eggs over medium on toast with a bowl of fruit and a cup of tea, I looked up at the masive tree shading the patio.

Its a type of tree I have never seen before coming to Africa with a medium size barky trunk, and little tubular smooth branches. There are experiences of newness everywhere if you stop and take a breath and refresh your eyes.
I'm sure this is also the case back home in the US, where we walk around with blinders in a tunnel.
My room is above the kitchen of a resturant - to which I owe the proliferation of cockaroaches. At night I can here the chatter and bustle, like I am living above a jazz cafe. This is especially true, when I put on some Don Cherry Mu (Thanks to Chris Barke).Yesterday, I did some negotiations at the market, and brought some tzschatkies for people back home. I did manage to exchange some tee shirts and pants, and all my video out and lumia DVDs. When you go to Africa, bring discmans, mp3 players, old phones, old cameras, sneakers, baseball caps. Use these as
currency. These are worth something, they are like bicycles on the black market.Something happend with my bank card and I cant get cash. I topped off my cellpone credit and called chase 7 TIMES! They said they removed the block but I still cannot get cash out. I am hoping it is some weird Malawi ATM issue. I will take care of it at Monday. I am looking forward to Stanley returning. I asked Benson last week to help me call the US, and it took him 3 hours to help me out.Im not brining tzchotchies back for Paul. Paul wants a local tee shirt. I am looking for a tee shirt - but I dont think there are local malawi tee shirts.

Clothing in Malawi -I was acutally discussing this with people the other day. Most Malawians wear clothing from the US - perhaps donated. There is a high prevalence of AIG shiny shirts. I saw one guy wearing a red socks cap. This is actually a detrement because it underminds the local Malawi manufacturing efforts, which cannot compete on price with the US products. There are a fair number of chinese emigres who have ope
ned up clothing factories here - but I am not sure what has come from it yet.
Back at Kiboko:I have become friends with an older french man and 2 guys from Liverpool. I take this as 13bit sign - because Paul is rereading the Beatles biography - one of the 13bit canonical books. The older french man is reading a bio of Sarte by BHL. One of the things I love about France is that they read philosophy. It is like Argentina where Homeric epics and Freud are sold in trainstations and airport kiosks
.
I am working this weekend, since it is my last weekend here and I still have some work to do. This is because I foolishly refactored my code - which in some cases has resulted in some worse code - espcially in my breadcrumbs functionality. I really should not have refactored. NEVER REFACTOR IN THE FIELD - that being said I think my refactoring will pay off in the long run - but it has caused me grief - and I still have to write some spaghetti code because I am running out of time.

The most important reasons to be in Malawi for this project are:
1) The ability to go into the field and get feedback from HSAs
2) The ability to meet with the ministry of health and gauge their technical capacity
3) Other related work that people are doing in Malawi.

On step 3, when I met with Isaac yesterday I asked him how the local healthworkers at his hospital - St Gabriel's finance their SMS fees. Well, apparently, Josh Nesbit of Frontline Medic (another SMS eHealth company), received a grant fromStanford U last summer to implement a basic SMS health alert system - like 911.
He had 5 grand at the end of the summer and used this to fund the SMS messages -its a year later and they still have 1 grand left.

Now, while this is not necessarily a sustainable solution - IT IS AN EXCELLENT USE OF GRANT MONEY. It will help the system to gain a toe hold while a more sustainable financing solutions are explored.

So if you get a grant for a software project what you should you do with the money? I think a good use is to pay for something on the ground where your project will be implemented (rather than a new prada handbag perhas). For the Malawi INFSS project - I would hire a local developer on contract for a few thousand dollars. I would have spend most of my time working with him/her to spec out the systme and to work on social/process engineering, training materials and some iterative coding. This would have probably added 3-5k to the cost of the project, but it is these sorts of details that make the difference between tranquility and 100% success and stress and compromise . However - You still have the problem of no stakeholder committment. I think stakeholders need to contribute something, if you expect them to take the project seriously.

I have learned so much from working in Malawi and implementing this project. In many cases, the only way to learn how to implement one of these projects, is to implement one of these probjects.

Hapita

Friday, August 28, 2009

RapidSMS is AWESOME

Many things have changed since I last posted.

1) I have decided to change my nutrition architecture and reuse the location app and the reporter app for locations, reporters and patients. I need to make some minor tweeks to this code to accomidate patient type things like gender and date of birth - which really all people have. I am trying to use rapidSMS to the fullest of its RAD capabilities - what this means is that I am spending time writing scripts to translate csv backdata to json to import as data into the RapidSMS databases. This is probably going to be a typical use case for RapidSMS implementation - as little reinvention of the wheel as possible.

I strongly urge developers/interested parties who want to use RapidSMS to look at the locations app and the reporters app - they are really well architected. I am going ahead with my malwai health app - eventually I think it would be useful to have an indicators app similar to the locations/reporter paradigm. But for now, I am going to stick with my explicit/non flexible model- which will work.


2) I have stopped drinking coffee
3) I can now identify malaria carrying mosquitoes
4) I have totally destroyed my local git hub repository and need to regenerate a ssh key. This is leading to massive ssh key proliferation that I need to stamp out.
5) I am on a good UNICEF bus pickup/drop off schedule

We end at 1:30 on Fridays - at which point - I think I am going to go and eat pizza at mamma mia. It is SOO good - I am dreaming about it- but pricey (I had to dig into my stash of gnu bars yesterday to save up for it)

Last night there was no bar volleyball -very sad. Instead I took myself upto the Kiboko bar, which is completely deserted, sat infront of a roaring fire (it is cold here), had a beer (a green one as we call Carlsberg in Lilongwe) - and cracked open 'Globalization' - the anthology I am reading. I think this book was written in 99, and it is a bit dated, however some of the articles are excellent (like the memory article from a few posts back). Last night there were two standouts, a piece on the Chinese Artist Wang Jin and his work 'A Chinese Dream' by Wu Hung and 'Inside the Economoy of Appearances' by Anna Tsing.

So the first piece was basically an analysis of this piece of artwork - a replication of a traditional chinese opera costume recreated entirely in plastic. Of course the author gives treatment to the artist as capitalist/cosmopolitian producer (the piece is manufactured by old ladies in rural china),artist reappropriating traditional forms - that are realy ersatz. (Chinese opera these days is akin to Disney world). I really was touched aesthetically by Wang Jin's artwork and its different manifestations (as performance art, as photograph, etc). I though the article was excellent as an thorough investigation into all aspects of the work: production, consumption, reappropriation,etc.

Second article, ok this one was bit long. In 13Bit filmmaking we would say it needed a little choppy choppy (ie editing). However,this was really an incredibly fascinating article and I recommend it to anyone interested in Gold, mining, and the markets. Basically it follows the rise and fall of Bre-X, a Canadian mining company as it attempted to look for Gold in Indonesia. The article touches upon how the 'scientific-izatio' of the field (now we have geologists exploring rather than miners), makes in palatable to wall street. How there was this transformation of part of Indonesia into frontier land fit for explorers and fortune hunters (like the Brazilian Amazon). How antropological tropes have been mapped on to this capitalist venture. How Bre-X was able to pull a magnificent swindle on the stockmarket - and yet how people were still able to make money from stock speculation. It is truly a rich article that is told in a narrative and entertaining fashion- I will probably reread it.

Caveat Emptor - I know I am discussing this book - however I dont recommend purchasing it. The quality of the articles are really uneven and I would probably be better off reading Shakespeare. That being said, if you still want to read it, borrow it from your local library.

So after my thinking and reading - I settled down into my queensize bed covered with mosquito netting, and listened to the philosophybites podcast - the most awesome podcast evar! http://www.philosophybites.com (well its a toss up between that and coverville)

OOp - just got the rest of the location codes from the Malawi ministry of health! They are really on top of things. More csv to json - via my jsonmedusa.py script.

Next time I hope to be reporting on my RapidSMS Malawi version2 test.
TGIF!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

In the code

Score 1 for UNICEF Malawi - they picked me up from the hotel this morning.

Sadly, I was unable to visit the internet cafe and sync with github. The internet cafe opens at 8 and the unicef car picked me up at 7:10.

Today was also my first day without coffee, I drank tea instead. The only coffee here is nescafe and i'm not so into it. If I am able to kick my coffee habit - then a true miracle will have occured. I am now grumpy with a bad headache. I guess its a good thing I am half way around the world from people I could seriously alienate.

Another milestone today (today is very momentus it seems) I got my 'Malawi Health' RapidSMS version up and running. Exciting Exciting. For the next few days I will be editing templates to improve data display andd data navigation.

There is a big discussion in the RapidSMS world over apps. Where in the repository should apps go, are there core apps, where should 3rd party apps go, should some of this move to a library, what about projects- are projects apps?

Well - I will leave that to the list to figure out.

What I did was create a MalawiHealth app. I've attempted to make it exensible for future Malawi Health projects.

Classes:

Models.py - this contains 3 classes. a GMC class (that represents a health center). I inheret adam's Location model (from the location app). Then we have a Patient, this should probably inheret from something. Finally I have a INFSSS model that includes 5 heath indicators (muac, height,weight, oedema,diarrea) and calculators for age and malnutrition. 82 lines of code. Apparently this was originally written with the reporter app, but I think it is perhaps a good idea to build out a datamodel for clarity.

App.py - Here is where I parse the sms message. It is very brute force. I intend to spend my last few weeks working on this, especially as I get feedback from the field. Basically, I implemented a tokenizer and a bunch of conditionals that add data and send responses. It is not pretty, but not THAT ugly - and fine for v1 (74 lines).

It seems that many things I have been thinking about have already been included in RapidSMS - isn't RapidSMS awesome! I am very keen on using the Keyword parser (an app) to improve my message parsing in the coming weeks.

I have a urls.py, views.py and templates - and this will take most of my time over the coming days. I almost forgot - my fixtures - creating fixtures right now in order to backpopulate the data with data from 2003. Got this 2 days ago from the Malawi Ministry of Health.

Some other apps I will be using are the excel exporting app (although I think this is tag library), and perpahs the ajax app, and of course the admin app (I already mentioned the locations app). I will probably add a document app (I need a better name). This will associate documents with a rapidSMS project - e.g., a sidebar of relavent & downloadable reports/powerpoint presentation etc). We are hoping to turn the Malawi INFSSS system into a one stop shop for all things INFSSS related - so I am trying to aggregate as much useful content as possible.

In this case, since I am bulding the Malawi INFSSS rapidsms system for a particular scenario, I am going to sacrifice some reusability. As I build more health systems, I will probably be able to build out a health app, but perhaps this is a future project for the 13Bit Labs.

Final note on the documentation system:
RapidSMS uses sphinx for documentation. We copied Django. Sphinx is really powerful and an awesome document management system. According to the Sphinx documentation, autogenerating code documentation was an afterthough and that is really apparent when you use the system. Yesterday I build a directory walker that generates a rst file with the classes availabe explicitly stated. Perhaps when RapidSMS is done - I can take a look at the Sphinx code base.

I have been a hermit the last 2 nights. Staying in my room/internet cafe writing code and watching Kung Fu. Tonight though I will go and hang with some of my new friends, maybe we can play bar volleyball again!

I will try not to use demorgans law to reduce all my conditionals to booleans inorder to assign them to variables

Monday, August 24, 2009

In the data

Back at UNICEF after a relaxing weekend of lollygagging around lilongwe.
I am finally feeling myself, after a stressful morning of moving hotels, and looking for the UNICEF van.

I am moving back to the Kiboko - which seems like The Hong Kong Four Seasons after a weekend at the malarial swamp that is the Sunbird Lilongwe (servering real coffee and wifi enabled though it may be).

Today I am taking care of some administrativa - coordinating trips to the field, coordinating RapidSMS training sessions / barcamps at Mzuzu University and at Baobab. Soyapi - a local RoR developer at Baobab is going to add me to the local developer listserv! I am also specing out my interface changes to the templates.

In terms of rapidsms development - I am planning to make all the changes to django/rapidsms templates and then, time permitting, I'll move some functionality over to apps. I want to add a basic stats app, a graphing app, and a email app (does one exist), a scheduler app - in that order. I also have to check something on my cron job that builds the rapidsms documentation. It threw an error this morning - good thing no one is checking in documentation - or is it.

I am also backpopulating the malnutrition data from the Ministry of Health. This goes back to 2003. The idea is to make the RapidSMS Malnutrition - a one stop hub for Malawi Malnutrition data. This is one way to ensure that the system is continually referenced, used, monitored, updated, not abandoned - etc.. I am having some problems copying the data - I think the disk drive has a virus.

We are going to do fun stuff with data - scatterplot, bargraph,correlate, regress - Where is my Tufte book? We are also going to integrate the website with documentation about the project - oh another app - perhaps a document manager app. These are all simple apps - but you need to break them out so that other people can use them and integrate them into their own projects. There should also be a RapidSMS tag based template library for rendering responses on sms or other devices.

I am also thinking about looking at jython integration with RapidSMS. This might be a useful way to interface with Java libaries like OpenMRS and FrontlineSMS. I know that django supports jython. It has been a while since I did jython development - the last time was in 06 when I wrote a jython soduku app.

But enough shop talk - tonight I will return to my beloved Kiboko. I will resume the ancient practice of drinking alcoholic beverages and the modern practice of pulling code from adam's github rapidsms fork. Then perhaps some RapidSMS coding, some coding on DohRaeTweet perhaps some coding on my IB options strategy, some reading, tai chi and my malaria pill.

I am convinced I have malaria, although I am taking prophylaxis (malarone). It is grossing me out as I envision little parasites in my blood - a worm in the blood - did Spinoza have malaria. A scottish nurse that I met over the weekend, told me about her parasite. It was diagonosed by the local healthcare center as a sunburn. Apparently she is going to megadose on malarone and some anti parasite drug when she returns to UK.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday in Lilongwe

Today was my first saturday in lilongwe. I celebrated it by sleeping in till 9:30. Today I took care of some errands - bought a wifi card, got some basic necessities from the supermarket (shoprite). I also took the opportunity to walk around old-town Lilongwe (it is like 2 streets). I made friends with a tchatcha salesman - fantastic - who took me through all of his paintings. I wandered in an out of shops and stalls. Mostly I wandered and took pictures. I would like to go on a hike somewhere, or visit lake Malawi. Maybe next weekend. I still have not had any local Malawian cuisine. All the food here is european or indian. I had indian tonight in fact. I think Anthony Bourdain should do a No Reservations Malawi - to help foodies who travel here.

Today I also met with Josiah, a researcher at Mzuzu University. He stopped by Lilongwe on his way back from Blantyre (Malawi's capital). Sadly, we had an electrical outage in the middle of my RapidSMS demo and I blew the ac adaptor for my cell/modem. Damn you belkin power surge protector - you are worthless! The good news is that this will force me to integrate RapidSMS with a usb phone (like an ericsson). Josiah and I decided that I should o Mzuzu U and hold a lecture on RapidSMS, Django, and Python - so students/profs and use the system for their own projects and for data collection in the field. He's setting up a system for me and I'll be going there early Sept.

Thats about it - I wish I could upload the pictures, but the network connection is a bit slow. I attempted to ftp the pictures earlier, but I am blocked on everything but port 80.

Time for some reading, movie watching, some meditation, and a beer. These nightly beers cant be good for me - but it is helping me stay vegeterian - at least that is the excuse I am giving myself.

I have put down Development as Freedom and I'm now reading Globalization edited by Arjun Appadurai. It is a collection of essays about... Globalization - I am currently on the 3rd essay. The first two seemed a bit meandering, the high point was a colorful map of the vectors of movement and influence in Africa. I love maps. The third essay, though, is a lot of fun. Its by Andreas Huyssen on the contemporary obsession with memory - basically he is discussing modern obsession with museums/memorials and the creation of the Holocaust as a supra-national atrocities trope (where as the Rwandan Genocide for example is national - it is not used as a universal symbol for attrocities nor are there memorial museums around the world - as there are with the Holocaust). The essay just started to discuss the modern complaint that the art of memory is no longer taken seriously - people don't have to remember anything they just need to know how to access a memory (or piece of information).

I am totally obsessed with memory, and memory and the construction of meaning, memory and the construction of experience, memory devices like memory palaces, people with incredible memories - and of course, with the Alan Watts quote "Just as you need a memory, you also need a forgettory." The forgettory - also the name of my interminable novel ( a novel that I will now have to change to include a museum theme)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Wifi in Africa

I realize my blogging tone is like stream of consciousness on crack - I am working on that.

Greetings from the Sunbird, Lilongwe. I have switched hotels for the weekend. The Kiboko Town Hotel was nice. It had a decent bar and breakfast, but there no internet and there were roaches and other big bugs (but its Africa so I go with the flow).
The Sunbird is no great shakes either, (and its 2x the price!) but it has wifi. I'll be having some meetings over the weekend so wifi is key. Monday I go back to Kiboko - I owe them money for the past 3 nights. But then I want to explore the other hotels of Lilongwe in my desire to become the world Lilongwe Hotel expert. Maybe I'll check out the the madonna-tel - I have been able to negotiate a decent rate but it'll put be 1k over budget.

Here I am blogging away on wifi, but even with wifi malawi is slowwwww... Cindy Jeffers my botmatrix buddy and bitsister sent me over some sage advice.
(Cindy is working on a Rwanda tech/legal project with the Distance Lab in Inverness - and is currently presenting at ISEA in Belfast)

Cindy on African Internet:

"awesome on the hotel internet. internet and electricity are really tough in africa. like catching the wind. one suggestion for your browser - in the preferences you could turn off images, javascript, caching etc so you're just looking at text. sounds 95, but it's faster. also totally agree re google servers - i did not like gmail in rwanda. there's an option at the bottom of the page to switch to "basic html". it speeds things up. the opera browser has a turbo mode that turns off everything cept text. "

Thanks Cindy! You Rock!

A little update from the field.
Today is friday, and friday is half day in Malawi, sort of like summer fridays in NYC advertising shops. Shop closed at 1:20 and I'm hanging out waiting to meet Stanley, my UNICEF contact, to go over some R and latex - and he's giving me a sim card. We are going to analyize data - a lot of the data analysis I did in finance is really portable to these health/epidemiological issues.

I'm also waiting to meet 4 Lilongwian programmers I met online (via a Mzuzu lecturer->Mzuzu student). I am hoping to build some local expertise in Django/Python/RapidSMS - specially as UNICEF starts to add more RapidSMS based projects. We met with the Minister of Health today and it looks like we have a lot of work to do to scale up the Malnutrition SMS project - we need programmers!

13Bit News
Paul is working like a dog over at the compound coordinating interviews for our next doc on water/waterfootprint/geopolitical power/ecological measures/the kitchen sink. Paul again has garnered the coveted golden seitan award. Paul and Jamie - our incredible AP - are having a meeting today, maybe they will talk about our Paris screening. We are trying to coordinate a screening of our first 2 docs in Paris between October 8-13 - we will be there on a research mission for the doc. Does anyone in internetland knows of a Parisian venue that wants to show fantastic award-winning indie docs???

Mental Onanism
And on a light note - Lian sent me a link about twitter songsincode. People are using code to recreate song lyrics. http://www.sitepoint.com/blogs/2009/08/21/geeks-just-wanna-have-fun-songsincode/
I just submitted my own!

I totally love this! Years ago I wrote a paper about the culture of code, and I totally believe in a code literature or poetry/songs - you read the work and then you execute it. I am actually working on a twitter song application - DohRaeTweet - but its a bit different...


Pictures
Pi Yes I am taking pictures, but the connection is too slow to upload all of them - so I'll post a link with the flickr picture of the day (when I get back to NY I'll fix all this up - maybe)

Here is my daily breakfast at the lovely Kiboko Town Hotel:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31106313@N00/3842646978/

TGIF!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

What are you doing in Malawi

People ask - so what are you working on...

This is my first public policy/public heath type project and I dont have the jargon down - jargon being the signifier of intelligence and competance in our post-modern/post-structuralist/late-capitalist society.

My Project
I on a contract for UNICEF & an NGO of recent Columbia SIPA grads.

My Mission
Expand a pilot malnutrition surveillance project to eventual country wide deployment.
(This has recently been merged with a Mother/Newborn HIV/AIDS project - but that is for another post)

The History
The Malawi Ministry of Health collects data samples (ie surveys) of children's health indicators (mid upper arm circumference - muac, height/weight %). Based on these data samples the Ministry of Health and UNICEF monitor trends and deploys aid
through the country.

The Problem
The system was paper based. There was difficulty in collecting the data, getting the data back to headquarters, and entering the data into the system. At every level data was lost and corrupted.

The system had a 2 month lag. That means if a child is mildly malnurished in January, by March when she is processed in the system - she might be extremely malnurished.

The Solution
The NGO/Columbia SIPA students had a brilliant insight - move the data collection and processing online. In Africa, as in many countries, there is little internet penetration, however there is wide cellphone penetration.

The solution was to move this data collection to an text-messaging - ie SMS system. They partnered with UNICEF in NYC to program this based on RapidSMS (an open source python/Django framework pioneered by developers at UNICEF).

Moving from a paper based system to an SMS/technology solution is a fantastic advancemen.
Now UNICEF & MoH can monitor health crisis in real-time and deploy aid to greater effect.
Data collection and data quality is much better because the SMS system can send realtime feedback to the field workers (data collectors).
[Ohh I should write a novel - the data collector]

The actual work
In May, a pilot of this system was released for 3 health offices in May (there are 500 health office in Malawi). The head of the Malawi UNICEF Nutrition - Stanley (who is fantastic/helpful/visionary) wants to expand this to 15.

I'm here to upgrade the RapidSMS system, do some custom programming, hire 2 local programmers to continue the work when I leave, and to go into the field to train local health workers in using the RapidSMS system.

The Analysis
This whole project is based around statistics. From an academic,epidemiological perspective, the data is incredibly important to better understand the tradjectories of certain diseases. (e.g., are certain areas more prone to certain health issues, what sorts of measurements correlate to various diseases)

Statistics figures into this twice: first in the sampling of the data, and second in the determining of norms (we need norms in order to figure out who is deviating - who is sick)

But really do we need sampling? (You may want to stop reading now, insane rambling ahead)

We have the ability to collect and process massive amounts of data - why do we need to take a sample? Why can't we monitor every single child and deploy aid on an individual basis?

The bottleneck for processing data for EVERY child is data collection. It would be a massive undertaking to collect all this data for every child in Malawi. However if we had intelligent measuring devices that communicated their data via SMS back to the central system - we would solve much of the data collection issue. The final problem is how do we identify an individual child? (duh the chip implanted in their brain). I am thinking perhaps thumb print. This is very big brother and maybe statistical sampling prevents us from this sort of biopolitical control. (I am now having flashes of Agamben Homer Sacer and Bare Life). However I think if this data were open / open source - (and individuals were kept anonymous) - then perhaps you could avoid the sort of totalitarian techno-fascist control that is inevitable with this sort of solution... Should you even keep people anonymous? who are you protecting if you are protecting the identity of a malnourished child or a child with malaria? If all this data is open, perhaps illness based discrimination will end. (That is a radical and scary thought and I dont want to volunteer for the pilot :)

I think this is the ultimate end of technology/health/society - and we should direct it rather than hide our heads in the sand and wait for the government or business or some closed entity to control this information.

We are doing the next 13Bit documentary on water, the geopolitics of water,water and power, maybe we'll add something on the biopolitics of water - or water aid.

(I will be uploading pictures - once I get a non-unicef internet connection - hopefully tonight. I am starting to crave meat - how much longer will my pescatarianism hold out)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Room with a view

I am staying in the commercial heart of Lilongwe.

(I attempted to upload a photo but this failed - I also found a virus on my card - NakedWoman.vbs - should I be concerned ...)

This morning I had a yummy breakfast of eggs, coffee, and fruit salad. I ate a pepto 30 minutes before to coat my stomach with bismuth and prevent any nasties from lodging in my tummy. This is how you travel when you are a paranoid hypocondriac germ-o-phobe.

Anyway, breakfast was yummy with no side effects. I even made a friend. A woman from london working at christian aid. I think she is doing something legal related. She is actually staying in the room next door. Best of all, she has a car - I hope she will take me joy riding in the Malawi country side this weekend.

I am writing this from my office at UNICEF. I must use a unicef computer for security purposes, so i will be transferring files via usb and downloading putty. The bus back to my hotel leaves in 30 min, the day ends at 5. This means I really need a hotel with internet. I think I may need to suck it up and pay more money to stay in a better hotel - the madonna hotel perchance?

Hmm
Yes Paul - I philosophize all the time- you caught me -